


Without You

by stateofdreamin



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, I'm Sorry, Jake is dead - Freeform, Sadness, but they all support and help each other, greif, so he and peraltiago are only mentioned, the squad is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 10:31:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14495013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stateofdreamin/pseuds/stateofdreamin
Summary: "It's crazy, she'd think later, after his funeral, how fast life can change. One second you can be the happiest you've ever been, and the next you can have your whole world ripped apart right in front of you."





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ellalopez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellalopez/gifts).



> i suck at summaries and titles so im sorry abt that

Life isn't always you you expect it to be, and you don't always get what you want.

 

Life can, in fact, be very unfair. Like that one time when you were 16 and your friends had consert tickets to Taylor Swift, and they wanted _you_ to go with them, but you had to turn it down because as much as you'd like to consider yourself grown up at 16, your parents still don't think you're old enough to go to a concert without a parent present.

Or like all those times you wished for a pony for your birthday, knowing full well that the chances of getting one was zero to none. Because a pony is a lot of time, work and money and _you're not up for that responsibility, sweetheart_ , even though you totally think you are.

Amy knew that life could be unfair, she knew that. But she had never, in a million years, expected it to be this cruel.

She gets the call when she's in the middle of making dinner. (She has gotten a lot better at cooking, after the weekly cooking lesson Boyle had held for her, thank you very much). She's humming to that one song that's overplayed on the radio, but she can't get it out of her head. The name of the song is unknown to her, but she does know that it's catchy.

The phone rings, and she turns down the heat so the sauce doesn't have a chance to burn itself (she thinks that's how it works, she may have zoned out in the middle of a few of those lessons when Charles got weird about his food, which was quite often). She expects it to be Jake, calling to say that he's on his way home from work and that he's excited to see her. Maybe a call from her mom, telling her that she and Jake needs to visit again soon.

She was wrong.

It's crazy, she'd think later, after his funeral, how fast life can change. One second you can be the happiest you've ever been, and the next you can have your whole world ripped apart right in front of you.

The first thing that comes to mind when she hears the words _I'm sorry, ma'am, we tried the best we could_ , from her phone was that it must be a joke. That he must've thought it would be fun to scare her to the core. So she hangs up on the doctor, (Tom, or Tim? His name was one of those, she was pretty sure), and calls Jake instead. Only he doesn't pick up, which upsets her even more because she can't yell at him for scaring her, and she's not sure she can wait until he comes home.

Realization hits her when someone knocks on the door, (she's confused as to why Jake would knock, seeing as he has a key and it's their apartment), and instead of revealing her fiancè, it's Captain Holt. And for the first time, she wishes she wasn't capable of reading the expression on the Captain's face. It's too much for her, too real for her, so she breaks down. And normally she would be embarrased, because who breaks down and starts sobbing in front of their boss, but she couldn't find herself to care. So he walks in, and hugs her as she cries.

The rest of the squad comes later, one by one, till they're all sitting in the living room. No one is saying anything, they're all just looking at their hands in the lap trying to make sense of the situation. They weren't crying. Amy had stopped before the others had arrived. It didn't mean they weren't sad, because they were. They just tried to hold themselves up, for each other. It's so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Amy hates it. She's desperate for someone to say something, anything. Whether it's Gina insulting her choice of curtains, to Boyle repeating the word 'succulent' for God knows how long, she didn't care.

"I don't know what to do"

It's Amy who breaks the silence, partly because the silence is making her physically sick and because she needs help, tips, even though no one in the room had experienced this before. Her voice is sore, she's not quite sure why, and barely above a whisper.

"None of us do", Terry says, giving her a look of pity and sadness that makes her want to rip her hair out. "But we're going to do everything we can to help you". She doesn't know what to say, so she nods and goes back to staying quiet.

In the end, Amy gets invited to sleep at Holt and Kevin's place. She couldn't stay in their - her, now - apartment any longer, because a tiny part of her still thinks this is some part of an elaborate joke that's not funny and that he'll come back. It shocked Amy, to say the least, when Holt tells her to pack a bag because they're going to her place. She's grateful for it, honestly, but she wishes it would all just go back together. She appreciates that Gina doesn't make fun of her, that Rosa is kinder to her, Holt's hospitality, but it all seems a bit forced. When she finishes packing a few clothes, and the most necessary things, she follows Holt to His car, and they drive off.

The car ride is silent as well, none of them know what to say. It's almost so unbearable that she debates playing her favorite playlist on her phone.

(It was one Jake made with calm songs to help her calm down when she was too stressed)

"He didn't wear a seatbelt", she mumbles after a while. The silence had given her too much time with her thoughts, and she couldn't stop thinking about the fact that her fieancè hadn't put on a seatbelt. Holt opens his mouth to say something, but Amy interrupts him.

"That's the first thing you do when you sit down in your car", she continues, tears starting to prickle between her eyes. "You sit down and put your seatbelt on. I don't understand how he could forget that", her voice breaks at the end. Before Holt gets the chance to even open his mouth this time, she continues.

"And the guy who hit him?", she looks over at Holt, pauses, and then continues. "Who the fuck texts and drives? That's the number one rule, you never text and drive. If it's something important, you pull over. You don't text and drive", she looked back out of the window before exhaling and wiping the tears away.

She wants to scream, in all honesty. Wants to scream at jake for not putting his seatbelt on. Scream at the man who hit him for sitting on his fucking phone. Scream at the world around her for letting this happen. As if Jake deserved to die young. She doesn't realize that her hands had curled into fists until she feels holts hand on hers as he tells her that they've arrived. 

The look Kevin gives them as they enter the house is unbearable. She didn't want pity, she didn't want people to feel sorry for her, she just wanted the love of her life back. 

While Holt and Amy were at her (and Jakes, it will  _always_ be his as well) apartment, Kevin had set up their guest room so Amy could lay down and rest if she needed to. Which was what she did, after thanking them for letting her stay. And as she closes her eyes, she wishes that when she wakes up that this will all just be a terrible nightmare, and that she'll wake up to her beautiful fiancè, and that she won't have to feel this way any longer. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm sorry, i got lazy at the end sdfjk 
> 
> comment what you think!


End file.
